The Story of Bob and the Three Komat'sus

Once upon a time, there was a construction worker named Bob. He went for a walk on the street. Pretty soon, he came upon an excavation site where a hill used to be. He knocked on the wire fence and, when no one answered, slipped behind the gate.

In the ground there were three piles of dirt/mud. Bob was excited. He loved dirt. He ran up the first pile of dirt.

“This hill is too *&%! small!” he exclaimed.

So he ran up the second pile of dirt.

“This hill is too *&#! big!” he exclaimed.

So he ran up the last pile of dirt.

“Ahhh, this hill is just right,” he said happily and threw mud into the air in glee.

After he’d run up all three Komat’su’s hills, he decided he needed to pee. So, he walked up to the first hill’s moat and, well, you know –

“This moat is too *&%! deep!” he exclaimed. “I might fall and drown!”

So he walked to the second hill’s moat.

“This moat is too *&%# deep, too!” he grumbled

So he tried the last and smallest hill’s moat.

“Ahhh, this moat is just right,” he sighed. But just as he started to, well, you know – the moat overflowed its banks and washed into the environmentally fragile creek below.

Bob was very hungry by this time, so he pulled out his igloo cooler. He sat on the first hill, but it was too low. Then he sat on the second hill, but it was too high. Then he sat down on the third hill and it was just right. He ate leftover turkey and popped a Xanax and promptly fell asleep.

As he was sleeping, the three Komat’sus came home.

“Someone’s been walking on my hill,” growled the Papa Komat’su.

“Someone’s been walking on my hill,” said the Mama Komat’su.

“Someone’s been walking on my hill, and it’s crumbled all to the ground!” cried the Baby Komat’su.

“Someone’s been, well – you know, in my moat,” growled the Papa Komat’su.

“Someone’s been, well – you know, in my moat,” growled the Mama Komat’su.

“Someone’s been, well – you know, in my moat, and it’s neon yellow and killing the fish in the creek,” cried the Baby Komat’su.

They decided to look around some more and when they got to the top of their hills, Papa Komat’su growled, “Someone’s been eating on my hill,”

“Someone’s been eating on my hill, too” said the Mama Komat’su.

“Someone’s been eating and taking drugs on my hill, and he’s still there!” exclaimed Baby Komat’su.

Just then, Bob woke up and saw the three Komat’sus. He screamed, “Help!” And he jumped up and ran down the hill, scurried up the metal scaffolding, and out the metal gate. And he never returned to the home of the three Komat’sus.

THE END